I love how my cats smell like pot.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
