I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
