I want to walk on stilts...naked
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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