I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
