He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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