Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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