Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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