i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
