I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
