Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
