Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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