Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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