Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
