Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Houston, we have a squirter
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
