my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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