Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
