I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
