Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
