You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My cat gives me a boner
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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