It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
