You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
