I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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