We won't sleep together?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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