It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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