I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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