I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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