Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
