He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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