I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
