Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
