Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
