as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
