His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Randomize
