My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
