He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
