I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
