Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
