Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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