Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
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