Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I need a beard to bite.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
