Non-Jews are for practice
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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