I want to make a zoo with you.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
