my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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