I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
