Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
