fuck your aforementioned shoe
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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