youre lurking in front of me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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