i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
