i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm passing your future prison.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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