He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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