you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
