How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
that is very illegal...i love you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
