U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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