i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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