that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
