Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
