I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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