I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
sex in a hospital.. check
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
