Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
