i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
