I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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