Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
