So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
