you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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