I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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