dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
