listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
