And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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