I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize