I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
