how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
