Why are handjobs necessary in class?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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