Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
