Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
