I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
