I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
