I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
