I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
