and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am midnight drunk by noon
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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