you're like a bully in the Christmas story
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
